I have had a lot of changes this past 15 months. I lost my beautiful daughter, had issues with the son in law, miss my grand babies. Lost friends, gained new ones. New extended family reconnecting with family have been out of touch with.
Major move from Florida to Illinois. You may wonder why there and the answer is very simple. I moved here to be close to my brother and have family for support system (not financial but emotional).
Learning to live in the country which I have not done really since moving to Florida at the age of 9. Living on my own in my own place. I and my 5 parrots are thriving and doing well with the adjustment. I have no one to answer to but myself. Which is nice, no one to yell about something that was not done to satisfy them. Or being in a relationship that is controlling and mental and emotional abuse. It will take me awhile to recover from it and regain my self confidence and my independence which I have not had for a long time.
I have a garden that have not had for long time. One that I can do and plant and take care of. I have flower beds that I am slowly working on that had been let go. Of course where I live has been vacant for 3 yrs. So that is to be expected. I have blackberry bushes, apples, plums and lord only know planted here.
Mother's day was very hard for me. First one without my Lissa. Here is the card she made me 2 yrs ago and I plan on putting in a frame. She wrote it for me.
Sometimes
Everyone wonders about things sometimes.
Things like why do we color between the lines?
What makes the sky turn so pretty blue?
How does the moon know which way to go?
How does the river know which way to flow?
Why can't all clovers have four leaves?
Why do angels only get wings if someone believes?
Sometimes my mind wanders around in my head...
Thinking of a million things I have never said.
And I wonder if I have told you ....
How much I love you to.
Sometimes you only get a "love you too"
Echoed quickly when you say you do.
It may appear I'm just going through a motion,
Like a tired and worn out emotion.
Sometimes I just forget how to say:
That you are with me in my heart on every day.
Happy Mother's Day!!
I know sometimes life gets hectic and crazy and you may feel like I don't care about you at all but even past all the crazy stuff going on I think of you and worry about you. My life is so complicated that I feel like someone somewhere is always being left behind and it can be hard to juggle. So even if I don't say it or show it very well I hope you know how much I love you ~~
Melissa
I will never get to hold her, tell her how much I love her, or how proud I am of her. What a good mother she is/was.How much I am amazed that she was a strong young woman, she was so loving with her babies, and she was involved with the 3 that were special needs, she got them the care they needed or she would fight to get it for them.
It was also a reflection of thinking of my mother who was not here. And if you believe in angels. I know that and hope that they are together where ever they are.
I am going on a diet/really a change in what I am eating and add walking to my day. I have weight to lose and I am determined to get rid of it. Not just for health reasons but because I want to have it gone. I have a good few pounds (not telling exactly how many)
I have a quilt on the machine that I am doing border blocks for a row to help enlarge it for my bed. I have been taking in sewing for people which helps supplement my income and give me extra for what I need to get that is not attainable otherwise. I have a budget and one that is workable for me.
The amazing thing is that not only I am doing better with the bipolar (still have episodes) but with my neuralgia also. I have a new medication for the pain that was constant in my jaw from the tmj that is controlling it also. Nothing of course is helping with the herniated disc in my neck. That I will have to live with as I do not want surgery on it.
This coming month I am going with my sister in law, niece and her best friend and another of their friends to Holiday World. Sounds like a fun day and I need that.
My brother who I do not talk about much is a blessing and I know he loves me. He is very supportive of me emotionally which is something that for years I did not have. I love him so much....and he is there for me. I am blessed that he has a truck he is not using that he has let me have to drive and get around with as I do not have a car. He and my sister in law live one street over. I live in a small rural town of 200 people if lucky on head count. My landlord has horses, cow, chickens and turkeys. The padlock to the side and front of me has horses in it. I do not ride or ever been on a horse. But I do pass out nose pets and apples. She has a small pony that really looks like a donkey....which will not answer to me when passing out apples because I kept calling him a jackass.....I guess he took offence to it. poor thing....it is quiet here.
The hardest thing I think I have had to adjust to is no one takes the keys out of their cars and trucks. even in the small towns but in the main big ones they do. The other thing is they do not lock their DOORS!!!! I am so thrilled I can leave my windows open day and nite. My door unlocked during the day without worrying that someone is not going to come in and harm you.
I guess this has been enough rambling on for now.
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