Rainy Fridays

Well the very rough month is behind me{ I hope}. I still am feeling so not with it. Trying very hard to dig out of the rabbit hole. What with the migraines and loss of sleep, the heat and pure out stress. 

This past month I had to deal with the loss of my daughter {been a year}, her birthday. date of death and nursing Sacha back to health. That is a lot of stress especially with being bipolar....we feel it much more extreme than just someone with normal depression. The intensity of the down swing into the depression is that I have to work very very hard at trying to keep it above the suicide level because if I get to that point you might as well admit me and leave me there for while. I am being honest and truthful about that. If I did not have my medications to help keep it leveled out I would be a basket case. I do not understand how someone that is prescribed medication for any mental health reason, can just up and quit it and then say they are doing better. Sure for awhile. But what happens when you get over the high and you hit rock bottom? I know what kind of shape I would be in.....lucky me I just do not have the Bipolar 1 disorder oh no it is backed with me having the psychosis added to it.  

I am very disappointed in the surgeon that declared he "was so good that he could charge so much"!!!! I will tell you after paying out close to $2200.00 for all his care. The dr screwed his leg up and can never be able to use it. He will never be able to live in a cage, play as he was use to. It has been very heartbreaking for me to see him struggle to adjust to his new way of life now. I ask myself " if I did the right thing?". Being selfish I thought I was making a decision that would let him be somewhat normal. 
If I was still in Jax and could have used my normal avian vet there I am sure the results would have been very very different. But I am where I am and have to deal with what is available here.