Our weather is really starting to get colder and looks like maybe snow
coming soon. We have several overcast days. Our weather here has turned really cold
and it will most likely have snow coming on soon. When that does I will not be
going out on the road much. Thank goodness I really have a good bit of hand
work to do. So that was good.
Not a lot going on here. Surfacing up out of the depression. I feel it
easing off which is good. I will be able to handle the holidays and the
depression that comes with it. So if I am not in the deep troughs of it I will
be able to function.
I have been up here for a year last month. Wow does not even seem like it. I have adjusted
really well with country life. Even though it is to have 200 people here in
Bone Gap. I just do not see how they get that number…..I have found that I
really like living alone. At the moment I do not see me getting involved in any
sort of relationship.. maybe never. Every relationship has been a form of
abuse. I do not have good luck or happiness’ it seems in any of them. Poor
choices is what it is.
I have to get the lap quilt for Lauren on the sewing machine by this
weekend. Marty will be giving it to her for xmas. She saw it and asked if she
could have for her. Told her yes it was in the ufo (unfinished objects) pile of
things that have to be finished up so that I have nothing hanging over my head
to finish up. It is not like I do not have the time because I do. And look to
have more of it on hand when the snow hits. It has been over 30 yrs since I
have driven on it. At the time I drove a monster of a tank (Chrysler Newport)
and did not matter if I ditched it. Now I am driving the gas beast which is a
huge dodge ram. So I know I do not want to try it.
One of the hardest things for me is that I have to actually wear
shoes, jeans and sweaters or a hoodie. When I have been use to wearing flip
flops, shorts and light weight sweaters. Ugh!!!!
I got the fleece to do what the kids call lovies. And it hit me really
hard as it was something that Lissa always did for them. It really made me miss
her more. The grief is still there and it is going to be so hard. I thought it
was bad when I lost mom. But it is nothing like losing her. It is more intense
as you do things and know that she did them also. No one knows what the grief
is when you lose a child unless they have been there. It is hard to say and put
into words for anyone to really understand. You never think you will lose a
child when they are the ones that out live us.
I am so worried about my brother. He went to have more test done and
the results are that he is completely blind in the left eye.
Marty and I will be flying out on Dec 4th to Florida to
take care of getting the property ready for sale. Frankly I am stressing so
terribly bad. I have been picking at my face, neck and down to shoulder. This is
caused from the stress that I have to deal with regardless of the reason for it
I do it. Bad habit that I do not seem to control, I know I should not pick at
it but I do it even when I am not even aware of doing it. I hate having to deal
with our half sister one reason is I was not raised with her as she is 12 yrs
older than I am. And I can swear that mom found her in the garden as she is so
totally different from myself and my brother (she is his sister as they share
same father).
I will be glad to be finished with the property and other things so I can
cut all ties to down there. There is nothing there for me any longer.
I guess I better get off of here as I have things yet to be done.
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