Sunday Morning

Today is another high heat index and heat reaching up to 107 degrees. I have never in my life dealt with temperate this high. We got hot in Jacksonville, but rarely hit this high. So needless to say I will be staying indoors. I am not a outside person to start with so it does not bother me I cannot get outside.

Don’t know what I will be doing today but whatever it is will be inside. I have laundry to do (never ending right now with Sacha) to keep him clean.

I am so concerned about his little leg he does not seem to be able to put much weight on it or even use it he has no grip in the foot. He is truly handicapped. I am not sure I did the best thing for him when I had the surgery done on him. What quality of life will he have? He will never be able to go to a cage and play like he did before. Did I do right? I will never know the answer to that. I love him so much. He is being clingy and I can not blame him. He asks for extra time to comfort him. He gets it. He has his  times he is extra clingy and I take the time with him.

I have turned to audio books to have another voice in the house. Even though I like living alone sometimes it grates on your nerves to have no one to talk with. I have made no friends up here other than family and the landlord. I do not get out much as I hate to go to town by myself plus the gas beast guzzles gas like you would not believe. To fill that bad boy up is 75 dollars. I do it at the beginning of the month and make it last the whole month. Budgeting to stay with in what I get monthly and what little I get from sewing repairs is it.

Living in a small town is wonderful quite wise and no crime. But with a small community comes the noisy neighbors being up in your business or trying to be. That is the only part of it that I dislike a lot. That is mainly why I stay to my self here as I do not want to be gossip material.

Plus the quite has done my soul some good. It has helped me deal with Melissa’s death. It hurts and I miss her so much and to know I will never get to hold her or kiss her or tell her I love her for being the beautiful intelligent young woman and mother. To share things with. And that I am so proud of her.

I think it is hard for any mother to lose a child no matter of what reason. You never expect to out live your children that is just not right. The dealing with it is very difficult and painful. It does not matter how long or how short of time that this has been. It leaves a hole in your heart and soul that can never be filled again.

If you have noticed in reading this that I have hit the down spiral of depression I have. I want my bipolar to go back to middle ground as it is easier to deal with and I am more alert and with it. Otherwise with either the mania or the depression I tend to lose days sometimes hours and can not even tell you the day of the week. I exist in a no man’s land. At least that is what I feel. In the middle of talking losing my train of thought as to what I was saying. And draw a blank. During those times I have to make notes to myself in order to remember anything other than the routine housework and taking care of my parrots and Tigger.

I also have the landlord’s barn cat and kittens coming over to eat so it is 2 bowls of food out there. Along with water bowl that I change during the day so it is not burning hot for them. I walk by the front door which has 15 panes of glass in it (pain to clean) but awesome door. I do not cover the windows on the door. As living out here and so far up off the main road I don’t have to. This door is an antique it has a skeleton key to it. Any way I have cats laying all over my small porch. It is so awesome!  The other night I did not get the food bowls picked up soon enough. When I went to go get them I had a huge raccoon eating food out of them. He would take a bite and look at me with a shiny black nose and beady dark eyes. Trust me I was not going out there. They carry rabies and I do not want to go through the shots again. I did it one time and that was enough for me. I draw the line at feeding wild critters other than the birds. Oh hell no!!!  no raccoon is going to be hanging around my house. It is bad enough we have a skunk running around out here but I am not feeding it. Besides the fact that I can smell him.

Yesterday I looked out my windows and what do I see? 10 turkeys in my yard. Boy that would be nice turkey dinners. But alas they are the landlord’s and they are young and turkeys are so stupid. I have never in my life seen anything like them it rains and they look up to see it coming down they do not try to find shelter to get out of it either.

I would love to have a pair of peacocks. They are awesome looking. Ritchie (brother) says to have them stay you have to get them young so they know where they belong. So most likely I  will not do it. Plus have the food bill on them as you have to give them something besides what they eat.

It is already 99 degrees out! Bring on some rain please. We are so hot here the grass is crunchy when you walk on it. At least during the winter no worse than we had this year the grass did not die off.