Rabbit Hole anyone?

First off if you are reading my blog it is because I have invited you to be a part of following me through the ups and downs of my life as it is now. What I say here is the way I feel and see things and nothing to do with anyone else. I talk frankly about my bipolar and the way it reacts with me or me with it. Do not judge me about what I write. You can either read and follow or not it is up to you. But I would appreciate if you follow it to please have the courtesy of joining or whatever that little button on the side is that lets you follow me. 
I am looking for a rabbit hole that I can crawl up in for the rest of the month. That way I do not have to feel anything. This month has been very difficult already and more of it coming up.  
Just pass my Lissa's 33rd birthday....I so miss her. No words can tell anyone how much I do. and how bad it hurts to not have her here with me every day for the rest of my life. I only have her in my heart and my love for her. To keep her alive and a part of me. She will always be with me and a piece of me. She will be in my thoughts and in my heart for as long as I live and then beyond. 
I am very concerned about Sacha's leg and foot. I have the feeling he is going to be handicaped for the rest of his life. I may be wrong but I don't think that I am. either way I will always love him. I just have to make other arrangements for him as he can not go to a cage as he could hurt himself worse. right now he is sleeping in a bin and out all day either on the sofa or the recliner or a play area on the floor. I have a ton of washing as I have to keep the areas he is clean.. and padded on the furniture. This makes me stop and reconsider making Tigger a inside cat. Sacha would not be able to defend himself if he was attacked. So I will not risk the issue as Sacha has no other option but be out where I can watch him. He is sort of clingy and that is to be expected. He wants to be snuggled. We have been taking naps together during the day. he cuddles up and we nap.....
He has no patience with any of the other parrots getting close to him. So I try to keep them away from him although Birdie tries so hard to get close to him to make sure he is alright. If Sacha can not get to him to bite him he bites me in a tizzy as he can not get birdie. 
I am concerned as he is not eating like he should like he is depressed over all of this. Poor baby can not do things he was able to do before and I think that really gets to him. I have to keep close eye on him getting depressed. Not good for him to go there. 
Today is hump day.....middle of the week.....and what have I accomplished this week so far? Not a damn thing really. Just existing is the phase for me right now. Depressed and legaric and trying to keep from sinking lower still into it. Trying to cope with every day things taxes me and I really do not like this phase of the bipolar at all. 
I have all these little voices running around in my head and they will not shut up and let me have some peace. No I am not crazy.....it is part of the bipolar disorder I have. the reason I have bipolar disorder 1 is the intensity of the everything to do with it. also lovely and lucky me I also have the addition on top of it as part of it is. Bipolar disorder 1 with psychosis..........just lovely!!!!
I have music that runs in my head alot even in my sleep that wakes me up and the house is perfectly quiet and I would swear that it is playing somewhere in the house. Now with me living alone that is imposssible as there is not another person in the home. I sleep little sometimes and then there are times that is all I want to do. And the one down side to living alone is not having anyone to talk with all the time. at least no one that lives with me. I talk to the parrots all day long. and thank the good lord my voice is one they can not pick up as it is the pitch of it. or they would have a really bad talking habit....lol 
So I finished up the puzzle on the table. washed and ironed fabric that needed it. then I brought my machine back out yesterday and was going through what I wanted to work on. as I have a double wedding ring that I am working on and also some pieced cordhearts for a border of another quilt. Which they are paper pieced. So that is what I pulled to work on. 
I never seem to have only one thing that I am working on but several as I switch between them. 
I better get off of here and try to GET SOMETHING done.....lol yea right!!!