Hot Saturday~~~~~~~

Today is another very hot day...we have had low 100's most all week. Which means very little movement. Just what has to be is all.


Sacha had his second checkup on Thursday and it looks good. I am pleased with it. Now if he would just start to put a little weight on it. I still have to make him a nest like bedding to sleep. I am letting him out of the bin during the day as he trys to get out and then he will do what he did the other morning. I got up and he was sitting on the edge of it and fell off it.And the bin should not have been able for him to get out but he is a smart boy and did figure it out.....


I am coming up on my daughter's birthday in 3 days. This will be a very hard day for me. Let's face it the whole month of July is going to be bad for me.. She passed away on the 16th. My beautiful daughter should not have passed away. The doctors are really to blame as they did not treat her problems at all but shuffled her from one doctor to another to be told they would not do the surgery that would have saved her life. I am still bitter about all of this. 


In reality you never expect to grieve for a daughter or son. The parents are the ones that should go first but that is not always the case. You have to grieve and you have to find that balance to deal with it and move forward. 


I worry about how Stan and my grandkids are going to be this coming month as it is hard on them also. especially hard as they have lost a wife and a mother. 


I am spiralling down into the depression phase and I see it and I know I have to exremely careful with it as it is brought on by outside influences this month. I will want to find a hole to crawl into and not come out. Just me and the parrots and tigger. Don't want interaction with anyone (which I know Ritchie and Marty will be watching closely) that I can avoid. 


I hate being Bipolar but you can not choose what you have in the mental illness category. Which I could though, it diffinetly would not be this one. At times it is very hard to deal with it and you feel like you would like to just give up with it. And yes you can tell I am beyond depressed at the moment. I am not to the point I would hurt myself but down 3/4 of the way. As long as I can maintain that spot I will be okay. 


Today is also my anniversary, trying not to think of it. It is also my half brother's birthday. I would love to have interaction with him but he chooses not to. Family is spread out all over the place. I have a ton of cousins all over the place but none close to me. Immediate family is mostly my brother here where I am at. Sister in law and niece. So I am blessed with them. I count my blessings that he loves me very much. 


Sometimes in life it throws you a curve ball or a complete out of the field ball. Any you just have to do the best that you can with what you are given. I have learned that you do not own anyone else's problem. You can only own yours. Sometimes that is hard, very hard to do. 


I will have to get another air conditioner for the back of the house. I have had to block it off right after the parrots doorway. I do not do well in heat. I try to move the least amount of movement also. 


I better get off of here before it gets to the point that I can not cope with it. 


Have a happy Saturday